Personally Speaking: Fall Seven Times, Get up Eight
By Douglas Meron
As a kid, I had severe asthma and depression and felt like a total outcast. People would always tell me I was in my own world. I had a very active imagination where I would throw an imaginary ball up and down. I was extremely shy and had trouble communicating with my family and classmates. Because of this I didn't talk very much as a kid and had a lot of physical pain in my knees and in my back. Later on, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.
It all started when I dropped out of a master's program for non-profit management. I decided that school was not for me. My girlfriend broke up with me, I got a new job, I was dealing with a close family member’s death, and a new place to live. The stress of all this caused me to slip into psychosis. My psychosis consisted of delusions about how my girlfriend deceived me and later would believe I was the savior of the world.
Recovering from that first psychosis took a full year. My twenties consisted of working several jobs and losing them due to the symptoms from my severe mental illness and I was in and out of hospitals. I kept moving back and forth between Salt Lake City, Utah and southern California only to realize I could not run from my symptoms.
In my thirties, the hospitalizations continued. A couple of times I received two rounds of Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT).The ECT was intense and to counteract the effects of the ECT, I kept a journal every day to jog my memory.
In my forties, I’ve been in four long-term psychiatric hospitals. I’ve gone through many episodes of psychosis and in my last episode, I was in an alternate reality for about two years where I believed I was Jesus Christ. The third time I was in a facility, I believed that the patients were trying to kill me. This lasted for over ten months and then I was transferred to a residential program.
Now, a year later I’m back in the same long-term facility, healthy. I worked to put together a newsletter for the hospital. This hospitalization worked because of my mom. She spent hours with me on the phone listening to me talk and doing reality checks with me. Because of this I was able to trust the staff and work with them.This hospital is very innovative and allows you to do paid work while still a patient. I now serve as a role model for the other patients to show that recovery is indeed possible.
I spend my days working on a book based on the experiences and tips I have learned throughout the years. I found that practicing gratitude is key to my recovery. I am very in touch with my spirituality and have been able to reconnect online with a church.
At one point because of delusions, I thought there was no one in my support system. In the last six months, I’ve reconnected with my immediate family, my friends, my church, and the programs that I’ve been in throughout the years. I dream about being a fabulous uncle to my two nephews.
I am going to do an internship to become a peer support specialist in a couple of months. I am happy to give back to my peers and be a role model. I hope to come out with a book soon. I’ve even published some articles on the Internet. When I think of how I was in August of 2021, to how I am now, it is the difference between night and day.
It is absolutely amazing the transformation I made in just a few months. I’m grateful to the hospital that treated my acute symptoms and extremely grateful to the staff here at the hospital I am currently at. The secret of my success is taking my medication on a consistent basis and practicing gratitude for everything, including my mental illness.
I once considered schizoaffective disorder a curse. I thought I might be institutionalized for the rest of my life. Now, I’m getting out of the hospital very soon and may end up working for the hospital where I once was a patient. I have learned that what’s important is not how many falls you take, but whether you continue to pick yourself up. I take it one day at a time and feel blessed that I have this time in the hospital to enhance my recovery.
In the hospital I set daily goals for myself, including exercise, reading, writing, staying in touch with my support system, and finding ways to practice my spirituality. I’m really excited to start my internship as a peer support specialist in a couple of months. I know that my future is bright. As I always say, fall seven times, get up eight!
Douglas Meron is a published writer and peer support specialist; you can follow him on Twitter @djmdesd1.