(June 15, 2017) My son Dylan was a funny, bright young man who graduated with an advanced diploma, loved basketball, fishing and being outdoors. For Christmas 2010, he gave me a ring with the words, “The world needs your beautiful light” on the inside and “Shine On” on the outside. I have worn the ring every day since and it now has more meaning than ever.
We struggled for more than six years to get Dylan the help he so desperately needed. It started in 2011 when a car accident prompted Dylan to seek medical attention. At first he went to see a couple physicians, but he would not keep the follow-up appointments. Due to HIPAA laws, I was unable to speak with the doctors, but I gave them my email. Being a nurse, I knew they would be unable to respond – it was my only way to let them know our perspective and what changes were taking place.
Searching for Help
We saw personality changes, social withdrawal, erratic behavior and the inability to concentrate. Dylan dropped out of college. He moved from Virginia to North Carolina, Illinois to Colorado and back to Virginia. Family members reported he was confused and disoriented.
Over the next few years he would continue in a downward spiral. Isolation would cycle with periods of work. During these phases, we called Mental Health Services six times. We arranged for a home visit to evaluate Dylan’s erratic behavior. He was in and out of the emergency room. Police, physicians, hospitals and lawyers were called; the list goes on.
The conversations were similar. “I’m sorry,” they would start. They would end with, "he's an adult, he is not a harm to himself or others,” or "take him to the homeless shelter," or "there is nothing we can do to help."
We lost contact with Dylan in 2016. He obtained a commercial driver license and worked as an over land driver. That summer his truck was found abandoned in New Jersey. Later, police found him lying on the sidewalk in front of a fire station in southern Virginia. The police officer reported there was nothing he could do because Dylan said he did not need help. We reconnected with Dylan and bring him to Illinois to be with family.
Before we could get him help, Dylan was arrested for battery. I personally went to the state attorney’s office after the incident and, despite photos and videos documenting his behavior, she declined to pursue an evaluation/commitment. I hired a lawyer and was eventually granted temporary guardianship.
I pushed to have Dylan evaluated; he was found unfit to stand trial. After more than three months in the county jail, Dylan is finally getting treatment at a state hospital in Illinois. Upon arrival, staff expressed and explained that Dylan was extremely paranoid and very sick.
Looking for Answers
Government regulations don't prevent health care providers from listening to family members or other caregivers who may have concerns about the health and well-being of the patient, but there's still confusion over what sort of communication is permitted. It's time to fully inform doctors about what they can share with caregivers.
Like many family members with a sick loved one, I educated myself. I googled “advocacy groups and mental illness.” I found the Treatment Advocacy Center. I joined NAMI.
Google didn’t give me all the answers. How can you allow someone to sit in jail when they are so sick?! Dylan is now considered a criminal, not a person with a serious mental illness who needed treatment. He needed help, not jail.
I was shocked to learn Illinois has some of the best laws in the United States but fails to enforce them. How could we have some of the best laws and not one person I reached out to prior to his arrest offer a solution? If only I would have known about the laws prior to his arrest.
I hope and pray that sharing our story helps others understand the struggles families go through to get their loved ones help. No individual or family member should have to plead and beg because of lack of resources or community education.
Remember, “The world needs your beautiful light.” We need to continue to raise awareness and make this world a better place for those who are suffering.
JANECE BECKMAN
CARBONDALE, ILLINOIS